Orthodox, gay, and the rest is private

By Mordechai Levovitz for The Times of Israel

First I’d like to congratulate and thank David Benkof for courageously being out of the closet and talking about his gay identity so publicly while still working in the Orthodox Jewish community. I hope David’s bravery and the corresponding compassionate communal reception to his article empower more LGBT Jews to come out of their respective closets. This is no small feat.

As Co-Executive Director of JQY, an organization that provides support for LGBT Youth in the Orthodox and Hassidic community, I have come to appreciate that there is no process that creates more impact, change, and understanding than LGBT Jews coming out to their friends, family and leaders. Statistics tell us that there is likely at least one LGBT person in every extended Frum (Orthodox) family. In an Orthodoxy where everyone personally knows someone who is LGBT, there is hope for more kindness, love and dignity extended to every Jew. Consequently, Benkof deserves credit for telling his story.

However, with respect to Benkof’s publicly divulging personal choices about his own sexual behavior, I am of two minds. On the one hand I have great respect for anyone who sacrifices that much to live up to his religious ideals. Self control and discipline in abiding to one’s understanding of halacha (Jewish law) are hallmarks of Orthodoxy. His dedication seems heroic. On the other hand his public declaration of personal celibacy strikes me as particularly out of place in Orthodox public discourse. It seems almost Un-tzniut (immodest) to need to tell the world about the sexual behaviors in which you do not engage. It reminded me of an incident that I experienced back in Orthodox Yeshiva when I was fifteen.

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