Legal Obstacles Still Plague Gay Couples

They say that our relationships are what truly make life special. So, what if you couldn’t stand under a chuppah to marry the one you love in your own hometown? What if there was a law that kept you from having children with your soul mate?

The fact is, LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) individuals are not protected by many American civil rights, including the right to marry and to adopt children together. It’s not illegal to deny housing or employment to LGBT citizens because of their sexual preference either. Additionally, they may also be asked to leave a business or denied service at a business without recourse.

Same-Sex Marriage  

Same-sex marriages are not recognized in most U.S. jurisdictions, including Michigan. Currently only nine states have legalized same-sex marriage: Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New York, Vermont, Washington, Maine and Maryland as well as the District of Columbia.

While it may not seem significant to some that LGBT people are not allowed to be married, there are actually more than 1,100 state and federal benefits, rights and protections associated with legal civil marriage that they are unable to take advantage of as a result of not being “legally married.” Among them:

• The right to inherit property from their spouse if he/she dies without a will (without having to pay inheritance taxes).

• The right to make medical decisions for their spouse should they become incapacitated.

• The right to hospital visitation, including ICU and emergency room, if their spouse is incapacitated.

• The right to receive their spouse’s share of Social Security benefits.

• The right to be a beneficiary on a state or federal pension.

• The right for a person from a foreign country to gain citizenship by virtue of marriage.

• The right to file joint income taxes with the IRS.

• The right to have a court decide property distribution and child custody issues should their marriage break up.

Rabbi Arnie Sleutelberg is celebrating his 25th year as rabbi of Congregation Shir Tikvah in Troy. In April of this year, he married his partner, Robert Crowe, in Windsor.

“I’ll never forget the feeling of standing on the banks of the Detroit River in Canada, facing the other side of the river where our home is — our home that doesn’t recognize our marriage,” he recalls.

Robert Crowe and Rabbi Arnie Sleutelberg were married in Windsor, Ontario, and in England, but had a ceremony at their home in Lake Orion recently with family and friends.

Robert is from England, so the two headed off to England in July to get married with Robert’s friends and family present. Robert, being a British citizen, can live in the U.S. on a work visa, but does not have the right to become a U.S. citizen by virtue of marriage.

On Sept. 3, 2012, they had a ceremony at their home in Lake Orion with 450 friends, family and supporters. “It was a complete Jewish wedding in every way with the exception of not being recognized by the state,” Sleutelberg explains.

“We have made a lot of progress along the way, but we still have a way to go,” he says. “I would never have believed that my congregation would be so welcoming and come together the way they have to support us. I am very grateful to be in this community and for serving the congregation that I do.”

Synagogues And Gays

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David Rakoff: Half Full, in Our Book

Long and proud is the Jewish tradition of using sharp humor in the face of hopeless tragedy. David Rakoff – humorist, essayist, and self-described "mega Jewish writer" – was a master of this tactic.

Rakoff died of cancer this past August at the age of 47, and his final book, Half Empty, is staggering testament to his mastery. Riddled with irreverent Yiddish humor, Jewish jokes, and self-deprecation so advanced Woody Allen would be proud (Rakoff comments in one essay that he is "the Jewish homosexual writer: the ultimate degenerate"), Half Empty feels like a distinctly Jewish read. It's a fitting way to remember Rakoff – his so-sharp-it's-painful clever turns of phrase, his simultaneously sardonic and genuine storytelling, and his bluntly hilarious reflections on his identities.

Per the book’s pessimistic title, its final essay reveals the news of Rakoff’s more recent cancer diagnosis (the writer had beat Lymphoma in his twenties, so this was to be his second bout), and an arguably Jewish conclusion: "In the end, what choice does one really have but to understand the truth, to really take it in, and then shop for groceries, get a haircut, do one's work; get on with the business of one’s life."

Court grants divorce to gay couple for first time in Israeli history

Judge rejects state's arguments that only the rabbinical courts have the authority to dissolve marriage, instructs Interior Ministry to register the former lovers as divorced.

An Israeli court has granted the divorce of a gay couple for the first time in the country's history, the separated couple was informed on Sunday.

Late last month the Ramat Gan Family Court approved the request of Uzi Even, a chemistry professor at Tel Aviv University, and Amit Kama, who teaches communications at Max Stern Yezreel Valley College, to order the Interior Ministry to register them as divorced.

"From my point of view, even if the state appeals and we have to keep going down this road, the verdict shows the beginning of the undermining of the rabbinate," Kama said.

"I am very happy that we may have made a breakthrough," he said, adding that the decision could affect not only other same-sex couples but also straight couples who got married in a civil ceremony abroad ¬ since Israel does not recognize civil marriages performed inside the country ¬ and now want the state to register them as divorced.

Judge Yehezkel Eliyue said he based his decision on the High Court of Justice's instruction to the state to register the marriages of five same-sex couples who had tied the knot in Canada.

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Gay Orthodox Jews Talk About Merging Two Lifestyles

For Orthodox Jews, being both observant and actively gay, is a theological taboo. Producer Jon Kalish spoke to four gay Orthodox Jews who are trying to merge their two identities. The group includes an ordained Orthodox rabbi and a Hasidic lesbian living in a frum section of Brooklyn.

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Gay Hanukkah Gifts

Looking for the perfect Hanukkah gift for the gays in your life, look no further than zazzle.com. 

  

With cards, T-shirts, keychains, ties and posters, you too can have a gay old Hanukkah!

Yosef's Dreams also carries cards, clothing, art and gifts.  And the Jewish art and design is not just limited to Hanukkah.

Hitler's Homosexuals

Have you ever wondered what made San Francisco a mecca for gay men and women? Would you have ever guessed it was Adolf Hitler?

During World War II, the U.S. military instituted a draft, sending hundreds of thousands of young men into boot camp and, subsequently, battle, without performing extensive background checks.

That war would mark the first—but certainly not last—time that being gay was cited as a reason for soldiers' discharge. (This policy remained in effect until the 2011 repeal of "Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.") Decommissioned servicemen, especially from the Navy—which was at that time waging a fierce sea battle with Japan—were shipped back to the United States. Many of these soldiers and sailors were decommissioned on the West Coast, and of those, many were released in San Francisco Bay.

Instead of moving back home, many stayed local, expanding the small gay community that already existed. As more gay ex-servicemen heard about this mecca of ex-military gays, it blossomed into the district we know today as The Castro--and gave San Francisco one of its most distinctive and vibrant local communities. Not quite the legacy that Hitler had in mind

Camels and Consummation: Parashat Chayei Sarah

Keshet is a national grassroots organization with offices in Boston, Denver, and the Bay Area that works for the full inclusion and equality of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender Jews in all facets of Jewish life-- synagogues, Hebrew schools, day schools, youth groups, summer camps, social service organizations, and other communal agencies. Led and supported by LGBT Jews and straight allies, Keshet offers resources, trainings, and technical assistance to create inclusive Jewish communities nationwide.

Jews read sections of the Torah each week, and these sections, known as parshiyot, inspire endless examination year after year. Each week we will bring you essays examining these portions from a queer perspective, drawn from the book Torah Queeries: Weekly Commentaries on the Hebrew Bible and the Torah Queeries online collection. This week, Joy Ladin*, Gottesman Professor of English at Stern College and Keshet board member, explains how Rebecca, at the well, models the Torah’s unique brand of radical independence. Joy’s recent memoir is titled Through the Doors of Life: A Jewish Journey Between Genders.

After burying his wife Sarah, the aged Abraham summons his servant Eliezer and makes him swear to leave Canaan and return to Abraham’s homeland to find a wife for his son Isaac. Eliezer prays that God identify the right woman by having her offer water to him and to his camels.

Eliezer presumably chose camel-watering as a sign of Divine approval because it went so far beyond the code of hospitality that it could be motivated only by hesed, loving-kindness to a stranger and to animals. Given how much camels drink after a long journey through the desert, watering a caravan-worth is like filling a swimming pool with a bucket. That not only takes kindness; it takes the strength, determination, and independence necessary to turn kindness into action. Rebecca is there to draw water for her household; Rebecca’s kindness to Eliezer means that her own family has to wait for the water they, too, need. She risks her family’s anger to fulfill her own ideas about the proper treatment of strangers and animals.

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*Joy Ladin was profiled in Jvillage's August-September 2012 LGBT Channel

Lost in Tel Aviv

Eric Orner is a comic book artist who is disconnected from his Jewish identity…except that he recently moved to Israel.

In the autobiographical comic story “Weekends Abroad”– which was reprinted in The Best American Comics 2011 –Orner takes us inside his new life. He came to Israel for a job, but he doesn’t speak Hebrew, and he’s not sympathetic to either side in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Intimidated by being a gay man in a foreign country, and knowing very few people, he winds up taking long walks alone. He’s enchanted and mystified by a recurring trail of graffiti, written in English, that he finds all over Tel Aviv.

One night, Orner flees a busy dance club and gets lost downtown. He finds fresh graffiti and chases it around town, finally discovering its creator. Though he doesn’t find the relationship he’s been seeking, he discovers a new, unexpected friend…and an equally unexpected side of Israel.

Teen advocate for gay youth battles bullying

Played a leading role in State Legislature’s 2010 harassment law

When Corey Bernstein was in middle school in Millburn, he was bullied so much he faked illness to stay home. When he told his guidance teacher about the bullying, the teacher said he must be lying. In eighth grade, his parents moved him to a private school in Hoboken.

Four years later, Corey, 17, now a senior, has become a vocal leader in the effort to stop bullying and to build support for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender youth. After coming out as gay in ninth grade, he went on to head the school’s Gay-Straight Alliance, and he is now co-chair of the Youth Caucus of Garden State Equality, the organization that campaigns for LGBT rights in New Jersey.

In 2010 Corey played a leading role in getting the State Legislature to pass anti-bullying legislation.

Steven Goldstein, founder and chair of GSE, described Corey as “the very personification of tikun olam. To see how he embodies our Jewish values and commitment to heal the world makes me kvell more than words can describe. He has become a light for thousands of others.”

“I was so unhappy in middle school, I can understand why kids commit suicide,” Corey said in an interview with NJ Jewish News on Aug. 15. “I’m not sure why I was bullied; I hadn't come out yet, and it was never about my being Jewish, but I suppose I was different. I wasn't into sports, and I was short. But my parents were supportive and I was able to move to a better situation. What about those people who don’t have that option?”

Though watchful and soft-spoken, Corey conveys a kind of steely confidence that he said has been fostered by his family and people at his school and GSE who have taught him to organize and advocate.

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Orthodox Black Rapper Celebrates life out of the Closet

“Last Shabbos, because of me more people were talking about gay rights around the the Shabbes table, and it’s a good thing.” So explained Yitz “Y-Love” Jordan.

Jordan, whose mother is Puerto Rican  and father is Ethiopian, has been Jewish for 12 years and involved with Judaism for more than half his of his life. But only recently he decided to publically come out of the closet about being gay.

Growing up in Baltimore, Jordon did not have a strong Black identity. His diverse group of friends and his interest in punk rock – he shaved his head and sported a Mohawk for a while- set him apart from other black kids. But even as a young kid others identified him as gay and bullied him. Yet as a teen, when he was drawn both to drag and to an observant life, he felt he had to choose between his identities. And so being gay was not officially part of the equation for many years. Ironically, as he became more observant and involved in the hassidic community, being black became more central to his sense of self. Eventually, however, hiding part of himself, meant that he felt less able to fully embrace the mitzvot that originally drew him to Judaism.

So for Jordan, coming out is a coming together of all of the elements of his self. Speaking by phone he explained, “Prioritizing identities, that’s a concept does that does not exist, I am never more one thing than another… now I am able to express myself fully.”

While there are those in the Orthodox world who have condemned him for coming out, the reaction has been overwhelmingly supportive. Both the hip hop and Orthodox worlds have reputations for being homophobic but Jordan’s experience since coming out publically in Out Magazine suggests that the world is changing. Last week rap impresario Russell Simmons reached out and so did some prominent Orthodox rabbis.  It makes him wish he had taken this step years ago.

Y-Love has long been a role model for Jews of color, advocating for diversity in the Jewish community.  Now he has added the LGBTQ community to the list of those he seeks to motivate and strengthen. “I’ve heard from a trans woman who says I’ve inspired her to continue studying towards conversion to Judaism and from other rappers who say they wish they had my courage to come out,” says Jordan clearly gratified that his choice to come out is inspiring others.

Faygele ben Miriam Started the Battle Over Marriage More Than 40 Years Ago

Decades before any state had seriously considered legalizing gay marriage, long before anyone had thought of creating—never mind repealing—a policy called “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell,” before Reagan, before AIDS, before the American Psychiatric Association determined that homosexuality was not a mental illness, and before half the people currently living in America were even born, a man named John Singer stepped into the King County marriage license office in Seattle.

The year was 1971.

With him was another man, Paul Barwick, whom he’d met recently at a meeting of the Seattle chapter of the Gay Liberation Front. Barwick was just back from Vietnam, 24 years old, still coming out of the closet. Singer was a little older, 26, very out and very political. He’d served as an Army medic in Germany because of his conscientious-objector status. In the spot reserved for religion, his military dog tag read: “Ethical Culture.” Earlier, at college in New York, he’d been the only member of his ROTC unit who was also in the SDS—Students for a Democratic Society.

These two men, Singer and Barwick, had become fast friends, occasional lovers, and, in a sense, business partners. “The business was gay liberation,” Barwick, now 65 and living in San Francisco, explained recently.

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Michele Bachman Synagogue Visit Riles Some

Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) swung by a Chicago-area synagogue for a worship service on the eve of Yom Kippur last week, upsetting congregants and provoking one man to mount a campaign for her Democratic challenger before the end of the night, the Chicago Tribune reports.

According to the Tribune, Rabbi Michael Siegel of Anshe Emet Synagogue observed protocol by offering a customary greeting to Bachmann during the services. While elected officials are traditionally acknowledged during such events at the temple, the presence of the conservative Minnesota firebrand prompted particular displeasure.

Some reportedly walked out of the ceremony, while Gary Sircus, a 25-year member of Anshe Emet Synagogue, voiced more active opposition to Bachmann's attendance.

"Our congregation values and embodies tolerance, compassion, respect for individual rights, intelligence, science -- all of the things that I think Michele Bachmann stands against," said Sircus, according to the Tribune

Bachmann has been a vocal supporter of Israel and an unabashed opponent of gay rights, an awkward policy duo on that particular night; Siegel told the Tribune that the night's service had included a piece honoring Israel for its openness to the LGBT community.

Among Bachmann's many controversial statements about the LGBT community, she has likened homosexuality to "bondage," "child abuse" and "sexual dysfunction."

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The Choosing: A Rabbi's Journey from Silent Nights to High Holy Days

A young Lutheran girl grows up on Long Island, New York. She aspires to be a doctor, and is on the fast track to marriage and the conventional happily-ever-after. But, as the Yiddish saying goes, "Man plans, and God laughs." Meet Andrea Myers, whose coming-of-age at Brandeis, conversion to Judaism, and awakening sexual identity make for a rich and well-timed life in the rabbinate.

In The Choosing, Myers fuses heartwarming anecdotes with rabbinic insights and generous dollops of humor to describe what it means to survive and flourish on your own terms. Portioned around the cycle of the Jewish year, with stories connected to each of the holidays, Myers draws on her unique path to the rabbinate--leaving behind her Christian upbringing, coming out as a lesbian, discovering Judaism in college, moving to Israel, converting, and returning to New York to become a rabbi, partner, and parent.

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